MJ (kiwiana) wrote in kiwiana_inked,

As notes of music are: third movement

Instead of going out to dinner with his boyfriend, Jared ended up going to Chad’s.

Thankfully, it was Chad himself who opened the door. He took one look at Jared’s red and swollen eyes and dragged him straight into his bedroom.

“Stay there, I’ll be right back,” he said before disappearing. Jared sank down onto the floor, leaned against the wall and tried not to start crying again. He felt like shit, and the worst part was knowing that it was mostly his fault. He closed his eyes, trying to wish the world away.

When Chad came back through the door he jumped and looked up. Chad was holding a bottle of vodka in one hand – not very well hidden under a black hoodie – and a bottle of Coke and a couple of plastic cups in the other. Jared sighed, wondering if he even needed to ask. As it turned out, he didn’t.

“Told my brother you looked like shit,” Chad said, pouring them both drinks that were at least half alcohol. “What the fuck happened?”

Jared downed most of his drink and waited for the warmth to spread through. “Apparently,” he said, “I failed to mention a small detail to Jensen.”

Chad screwed up his nose. “Do I wanna know, man?”

Jared laughed humorlessly. “He thought I was a junior. When he found out I was fifteen he freaked the fuck out about statutory rape and dumped me.”

Chad swore under his breath. “That’s rough, man,” he said. “Another drink?”

Jared looked from the cup in his hand to the bottle and back again. “You know what, fuck it,” he said. “Fill me up. At least I won’t have to fucking think for a while.”

Chad nodded, pouring some more vodka into both their cups. “Dude, you should probably text your mom while you’re still reasonably sober. Tell her you’re staying here; that way she won’t see you when you’re hung over as fuck.”

Jared nodded. “Good idea, man. Thanks.”

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

Jared had never been hung over before and when he woke up on Saturday morning, he wondered how people could deal with this regularly. His head spun, the light from a chink in the curtain burning through his eyelids and into his retinas. He groaned and pulled the blanket over his head. His back was aching from sleeping on the floor in Chad’s room, where he’d passed out at some point after they finished off the vodka.

He rolled over, intending to get up and shut the curtains properly, but the second he tried to move, his body started screaming at him. He retched and dashed for the bathroom, barely making it before he started heaving over the toilet bowl.

When he was done, he turned the cold water on and stuck his whole face under the faucet, trying to shock himself awake. When that didn’t work, he opened the cupboard on the wall and groaned in relief when he found some aspirin.

Knocking back the painkillers, he stumbled back to Chad’s room and pulled the blanket over his head. He was off alcohol for life.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

That Sunday, it was blatantly obvious to everyone there that Jared and Jensen were avoiding each other. Katie took one look at Jared’s face – not only had he been crying, but he still hadn’t totally recovered from his crash course in drowning your sorrows – and gave him a hug.

“It’ll be okay, sweetie,” she promised, but Jared didn’t believe her.

After that, rehearsals were a painful reminder of what he’d had. Jensen wouldn’t talk to him; wouldn’t even look at him. Eventually, Jared stopped trying.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

A few days later, Jensen’s friend Adrianne stopped him in the hallway and gave him a hug.

“It’ll all be all right in the end, Jared,” she promised. Jared forced a smile at her.

“Thanks,” he muttered. It was a nice gesture, but he couldn’t imagine feeling all right for a long time.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

Jared moped around the house for weeks before his mother finally sat him down, her face pinched with worry.

“Jared, what’s wrong?” she asked. “You’ve been so happy for so long; all of a sudden you’re walking around like someone kicked your puppy in the face.”

Jared shrugged. “Just stressed about school, I guess.”

“Bullshit,” Sherri snapped, and Jared stared at her. His mother never swore. “Yes, you heard me,” she added. “Sweetheart, this isn’t stress; you’re really hurting about something, and I wish you’d let me help.”

“There’s nothing you can do, Mom,” Jared said quietly. Sherri sighed.

“Jared, what happened to Jensen? You were spending heaps of time with him, now you never mention him. Did you two have a fight or something? He seems like such a nice boy.”

Jared laughed, his voice bitter and choked. “You really want to know what happened to Jensen, Mom? He broke up with me. That’s what happened to him.”

Sherri gasped, but she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered, sounding close to tears.

Jared started crying. “Because I thought you’d hate me,” he confessed, tears trickling down his cheeks. His mom pulled away.

“Jared, I could never hate you. How could you ever think that?” she asked, sounding hurt.

Jared looked away. “It wasn’t really you so much, more Dad,” he said.

Sherri frowned. “You think your father would hate you? Why?”

“I remember Uncle Tony, Mom,” he said, sniffing. “I remember Dad throwing him out, and I remember why. He told him God would see him rot in hell – I couldn’t hear him say that to me, Mom, I couldn’t,” Jared sobbed.

Sherri ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t realize you remembered that, baby,” she said quietly, “but you don’t know the full story.”

“Does it matter?” Jared demanded.

Sherri closed her eyes; when she opened them again, she looked as though she was about to cry herself.

“I hoped I’d never, ever have to tell you or your sister about Uncle Tony, Jared, but I think you need to know now,” she said, taking Jared’s hands in her own. “Sweetie, we always knew Tony was gay. Hell, his partner came to our wedding. They hadn’t been together long at the time, but Shaun was a lovely man, and they worked well together. Kind of like you and Jensen,” she added, shooting a watery smile at him. “But they broke up when you were six and your brother was ten. To this day I don’t know what happened; I think they just fell apart. Anyway, it was hard on Tony; he started drinking, and Gerry asked him to move in here. We were worried about him, you know?”

Sherri stopped to take a deep shuddering breath. “And then one night... one night he put your brother to bed, and... and he started touching your brother–” she broke off, swallowing hard.

“Holy shit,” Jared whispered.

Sherri nodded, tears streaming down her face. “Jeff told your dad, and Gerry confronted him; told him that he was an abomination, that God would see him rot in hell... then called the police. He’s still in prison.”

Jared was in shock. “So all that stuff Dad said to him... it wasn’t anything to do with him being gay? It was just that he was molesting kids?” Catching the look on his mother’s face, he quickly corrected himself. “Not ‘just’ like it’s not a big deal, but... you know what I mean.”

Sherri hesitated. “I mean, he says things sometimes sweetie but... he doesn’t mean it. I think what happened to Jeff just really threw him.”

Suddenly, there was a voice from behind them. Gerry had come into the room while they were talking, his face pinched. “That’s not entirely true, Sherri,” he said, his voice shaking in anger. “Those fucking faggots are all a bunch of kiddie-fiddlers. God-hating bastards, the lot of them.”

Sherri gasped, but before she could say anything, Jared got up off the couch. He was furious; he could take this shit from almost anyone, but he wasn’t going to take it from his father.

“Well guess what, Dad?” he spat. “I’m one of those kiddie-fiddling faggots you hate so much.”

His father flinched. “Don’t say that, Jared,” he said. “Your mother and I raised you better than that.”

“Don’t you drag me into your bigotry, Gerry,” Sherri snapped from the couch. “Look, will everyone just calm down? We can talk about this.”

Jared’s fists were balled up as he walked towards his father. “You can’t handle it, can you? You’d be one of those who thinks it’s my choice, my fault I’m gay. Isn’t that right?”

Gerry faced him off. “Well, you did always choose the hard way to do everything, Jared,” he shouted. “Why wouldn’t I think this is just some sort of teenage rebellion designed to piss off your mother and I?”

Jared laughed bitterly, enraged beyond words. “You know what, Dad?” he said. “I’m not Uncle Tony, okay? I don’t go around touching up kids. That’s not the mark of being gay; that’s the mark of being seriously fucked in the head. Maybe you just can’t fucking handle the fact that you invited him to stay; that really, what happened to Jeff is your fault!”

There was a loud crack and the room went deadly silent. It took a few seconds for Jared to register the stinging pain in his cheekbone; when he looked at his father, Gerry was staring at his fist as though it had acted without his permission. Neither of them said a word as they stared at one another. Eventually, Gerry broke the silence.

“I want you out of my house.”

“If he goes, I’m going with him, and I’ll be taking Megan as well,” Sherri declared. They stared each other down, Jared doing his best to shrink into the wall. His eye was beginning to sting; he had a feeling it would swell up.

“Fine,” Gerry finally snapped. “Do whatever you want; all I know is, I’m not having him in my house anymore.” The him was spat in Jared’s direction, who flinched away from the venom in his father’s voice.

“Jared, go upstairs and tell your sister to start packing her things up. You, too,” Sherri said firmly. “I’m not staying in this house any longer than I have to.” Jared nodded and headed for the stairs, hesitating to listen as Sherri turned to face her husband.

“I’m disappointed in you, Gerry,” she said sadly. “In over twenty years, I have never seen you raise your hand to anybody; even Tony, you never hit. And you chose our son to break that habit? Our son, who only wanted to be honest with his family. No,” she said as Gerry tried to interrupt, “I’m done listening to you. So here’s the deal: if you let us leave now, without a fuss, and don’t fight the divorce, then I won’t have you arrested for assault. Are we clear?”

Jared didn’t hear any more; he ran upstairs to Megan’s room.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

By dinnertime, everything they were able to take with them was piled into Jared’s mom’s car. Megan and Jared sat in the back seat as they drove away from the home they grew up in, Megan’s head resting on her brother’s shoulder.

Sherri glanced at them in the rear view mirror. “I’ve booked us a motel,” she said quietly. “We’ll be fine there for a couple of weeks, just until school ends; then we’ll go and stay with your Aunt Lynda, if that’s all right with her. I’ll give her a call tonight.”

“In Washington?” Jared asked. He actually quite liked the capital, but it was a long way away from Texas. “For the summer, or...?”

“I don’t know yet, sweetie,” Sherri sighed. “I don’t know.”

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

His mom said he didn’t have to go to orchestra on Sunday if he didn’t want to, but Jared decided to go. If he was leaving for the summer, he had no idea when he’d get to see his friends there again, and he wanted to spend as much time with them as possible.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to see Jensen again, even if Jensen didn’t want to see him.

When he walked through the door, Katie – obviously watching the door for someone, so maybe Lauren wasn’t here yet – gasped and ran over to him.

“Jared, what the hell happened?” she asked, taking his cello from him. His eye had swollen up over the last couple of days, the bruising obvious no matter how much ice Jared put on it.

Jared laughed awkwardly. “You should see the other guy,” he joked. His gaze moved past Katie and straight onto Jensen, who looked up when he felt Jared’s eyes on him. All the blood drained from his face as he took in Jared’s injuries. Leaving the person he was speaking to mid-conversation, he stormed over to Jared and Katie, grabbed Jared’s arm without a word and marched him into the bathroom.

“What the fuck happened?” Jensen demanded, his voice low and deadly.

Jared stared at him. “What the fuck do you care?” he snapped. He’d been waiting weeks for Jensen to speak to him again and now that he finally was, Jared felt his anger bubbling over. “You dumped me when you couldn’t fucking handle that I was a little younger than you thought. Why would I think you’d give a shit about me now?”

Jensen bit his lip. “I never stopped caring about you, Jay,” he said quietly, his voice full of emotion. “Please, tell me what happened so I know whose ass I have to kick.”

Jared sighed, all the fight draining out of him. “My dad thinks, and I quote, ‘all faggots are kiddie-fiddlers’. Apparently he didn’t take too kindly to his son being one of them.”

Jensen sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Jay, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around Jared and pulling him close. “I’m so fucking sorry. What’s happening now?”

Jared relished the feeling of having Jensen close to him again, even though he knew it was temporary at best. “My mom and Megan and I are staying in a motel until the end of school, then we’re going to D.C.”

“For the summer?” Jensen asked.

“We don’t know yet,” Jared said, meeting his eyes. Jensen was looking straight at him, his eyes full of love and concern.

Jared didn’t know how it happened but the next moment they were kissing, pressed up against the wall with Jensen’s hands tangled in his hair. Jared moaned softly, temporarily silencing the rather large part of his brain telling him that this was a monumentally stupid thing to be doing with the guy he was still in love with.

When they finally broke apart Jensen’s lips were swollen, his hair sticking up in all directions, his shirt a mess. Jared knew he probably didn’t look any less debauched, and without warning, he started laughing.

“What?” Jensen asked.

Jared shook his head. “Dude, we’re so fucked up.”

Jensen smiled. “Yeah, but I already knew that. Listen...”

Jared’s smile faded. “Don’t worry about it, Jensen. I’m still underage; nothing’s changed. I get it, but I can’t hear it again. Please.”

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Jensen said quietly, taking Jared’s hands. “What I was going to say was... I freaked out, and I fucked up, and I will never stop being sorry for how much I hurt you. But... I got accepted into Juilliard, Jay.”

Jared’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit, that’s amazing! Congratulations,” he said sincerely.

Jensen smiled tightly. “Thanks. But it means... I’m going to New York, you’re headed to D.C. And apart from that, you’re still fifteen.”

Jared nodded, staring at the floor. “I get it,” he muttered.

“But I’d really like to keep in contact with you this time,” Jensen said quietly, “if you’d like to. And hey, who knows where you’ll end up going to college?”

When Jared looked up, there were unshed tears in Jensen’s eyes. Jared gave him a quick, chaste kiss.

“I’d really like to stay in touch, yeah,” he smiled.

Jensen nodded. “Jared,” he asked hesitantly, biting his lip, “do you want this back?”

He pulled a box out of his pocket; the Macy’s box his Christmas present had come in. Jared swallowed and shook his head, forcing a smile.

“No, man, it was a present,” he managed. “Besides, it looks good on you. I mean, I get it if you don’t really want to wear it, but it’s yours.”

“Okay” Jensen said quietly, slipping the box back in his pocket. “Come on, we should head back inside.”

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

YOSA’s end of year concert was bittersweet. There were a lot of people moving on; seniors mostly, but Jared was headed out of the state and a couple of other kids were moving away as well. Eric had even kept his promise to Katie, giving the cellos a chance to shine when they played a Pirates of the Caribbean medley.

There were more than a few tears shed afterwards as Jared handed around a piece of paper, getting everyone’s numbers and promising to keep in touch.

Just before he left, he walked up to Jensen and gave him a hug.

“You’re going to be amazing at Juilliard, Jen,” he said. “Don’t forget me, okay?”

Jensen nodded. “I won’t,” he promised. “Look after yourself.”

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

Jared spent his last night in Texas at Chad’s, having a couple of beers they sneaked out of the fridge and studiously not talking about how much they were going to miss each other. Jared offered to have him up during the holidays, which Chad agreed to, “As long as there are hot girls in the capital, man.”

Jared just laughed. “Yeah, Chad, I’m sure there’ll be hot girls,” he promised.

“Good,” Chad said, leaning back against the wall. “Because otherwise, what the fuck would be the point in you going?”

Jared looked at him incredulously. “Chad, gay,” he reminded his friend. Seriously, that was why they were leaving in the first place.

Chad looked momentarily stumped. “Well, I’m sure there’ll be hot guys, too?” he offered.

Jared laughed shortly. “Thanks, man,” he said, sarcasm evident in his tone.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

It was a long drive to Washington.

Megan spent most of it crying; their mom didn’t look much better. Jared, though... Jared just felt empty, like his body couldn’t contain any more emotion, so it just shut down.

When they finally got to their Aunt Lynda’s house, they were dirty, sweating and exhausted. Lynda took one look at the three of them and sent them straight upstairs for showers. She had two bathrooms, so Sherri opted for a coffee while the kids cleaned themselves first.

By the time Jared came downstairs, he was feeling a lot better. He could tell his mom had been crying, and he felt awful as she passed him; she managed to smile, though, so that was something.

Aunt Lynda offered them both a soda and asked Megan if she wanted to take hers through to the living room. Megan jumped at the chance to take control of the television for a few minutes and ran out of the kitchen, leaving Lynda and Jared alone at the counter.

“So,” his aunt said as she heaped sugar into her tea. “You want to tell me about Jensen?”

Jared looked up at her. “To be honest, I think if I talk about him I’ll make an idiot of myself,” he said quietly.

Lynda nodded. “Fair enough,” she said easily. “Hey, I’ve got something to show you.”

She pulled a brochure out of the drawer and laid it on the counter in front of Jared, who picked it up.

Duke of Ellington School of the Fine Arts,” he read aloud. “The only DC public high school that provides professional arts training and college preparation to talented DC public school students... holy crap, is this a music school?”

Lynda nodded. “Usually, you have to audition early in the year; February or March,” she said. “But I talked to someone at the admissions office. I explained your situation and showed them a video of you performing last year, and they’re prepared to grant you an interview if you guys decide to stay, and if you’re interested.”

Jared was flabbergasted. “Of course I’m interested,” he said, excited. “They seriously want me?”

Lynda grinned at him. “Sounds like it,” she said.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

Sherri, Jared and Megan talked it over and decided that the pros of staying in Washington far outweighed the cons. Sherri started sending her resume around the local high schools – as an English teacher, she was often in demand – and they started looking for a house to rent.

Jared sailed through his interview with Duke of Ellington. They happily offered him a place, which Jared accepted on the spot.

Chad and Katie both sent him a text on his sixteenth birthday. Katie wished him all the best and sent him a virtual hug, while Chad reminded him of his promise to introduce him to girls.

Jensen sent him a text, too. I hope you have an amazing day, Jared. xoxo

By the time September rolled around, they were more or less settled. Jared still walked in on his mom crying occasionally and was still wracked with guilt, no matter how many times she assured him that there was never a choice once her husband disowned her son.

Jared’s first day at his new school was nerve-wracking, but he quickly fell into a niche there. People teased him about his southern accent, but it was all good-natured enough that Jared could take it in the spirit it was intended. But the best thing was, this school had an active GSA, which Jared joined during his first week. He made some great friends there, and nobody looked at him sideways or muttered things under their breath.

At his third meeting, he worked up the courage to tell everyone why he moved to Washington. It was the first time he’d told the whole story out loud rather than an abbreviated version and he shed a few tears as he spoke. The GSA coordinator used it as an opportunity to talk about how to deal with homophobia when it came from the people closest to you.

Most of the teenagers there had immediate families who were mostly supportive, the three people who still weren’t out to their families notwithstanding, but several had had grandparents disown them, or aunts and uncles refuse to let them near their cousins.

It was a tough meeting, but Jared came out of it feeling a lot stronger. He still didn’t feel comfortable talking about Jensen with his friends there, though. The wounds were still a little too fresh.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

About a month after school started, Jared was at home watching television on a Saturday afternoon when there was a knock on the door. His mother and Megan were both upstairs and as far as Jared knew, they weren’t expecting anyone. He hauled himself up off of the couch and opened the door.

Jensen stood on the other side, biting his lip as Jared’s eyes widened.

Jared didn’t hear his mom come down the stairs until she was standing right behind him. “Jensen!” she said, surprised. “Are you down here from New York?”

Jensen nodded. “Yes, ma’am – uh, Sherri,” he amended at her stern glance. “There’s a philharmonic performance that we’re all going to.”

Sherri smiled at him, then shouted up the stairs. “Megan, we’re going shopping!” she yelled. Jared stared at her, and could have sworn his mother winked at him.

Megan came thundering down the stairs, smirking when she spotted Jensen. “Are you sure you want to leave them alone, Mom?” she asked.

Jared stuck his tongue out at her, but Sherri just rolled her eyes. “Get in the car, Megan,” she said. Megan breezed past them and out the door.

Sherri dropped a kiss on Jared’s forehead before turning to Jensen. “Behave,” she said firmly, and Jensen nodded, understanding what she was really asking of him. Don’t you dare hurt my baby again, her eyes were saying.

“Yes, ma’am,” he teased, and Sherri laughed. She kissed him on the forehead as well before she left, shutting the door behind her.

Jared and Jensen looked at each other for a long moment.

“You should have texted me,” Jared said. “I mean, it’s great that you’re here, but–” he broke off, laughing awkwardly– “if I’d known you were coming, I probably would have taken a shower.”

Jensen laughed. “It was kind of spur of the moment,” he confessed. “I knew we’d be in the same city and I couldn’t not come see you.”

Jensen had one hand wrapped around his other wrist; a habit Jared knew was born of nervousness. Jared glanced down, and his breath caught in his throat as he realized Jensen was wearing the bracelet Jared gave him for Christmas. Jensen took a step towards him; Jared had the odd, disjointed thought that they were at eye level now, which meant the growth spurt he’d had since they moved had seen him reach 6’1”.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, Jay,” Jensen whispered. “Breaking up with you was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. And I’ve been thinking... it’s only four hours from New York to here. I can come down probably every second weekend, and there are holidays... that is, if you can ever forgive me? And take me back?” He bit his lip, nervous and hopeful.

For an answer, Jared slammed him into the door, their lips crashing together, tongues meeting in desperation.

Jensen groaned against his mouth, his hands sliding around Jared’s waist. They were pressed up close enough for Jared to feel how much their kissing was affecting them both, and he grinned.

“You know,” he managed to gasp against Jensen’s lips, “the age of consent is sixteen here. I looked it up.”

Jensen pulled back slightly. “Oh my God, Jared, shut the fuck up and take me to your room,” he laughed.

Jared grinned. “Gladly.”

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

Jared had no idea how they made it to his bedroom; only that by the time they got there, both of them seemed to have lost their shirts. Jensen’s hands were wound in Jared’s hair as Jared battled with the fly on Jensen’s jeans, not caring if he damaged them as long as they were off as soon as humanly possible. Jensen groaned as Jared’s hand skimmed along his dick.

Jensen sat down on the bed and grinned. When Jared tried to follow him Jensen put a hand on his hip, keeping him upright, before opening Jared’s jeans and tugging them down around his knees.

Jared struggled to step out of them and keep his balance. Jensen was too busy laughing to be much help, but eventually they were both naked. Jensen raked his eyes over Jared, openly appreciative, before finally tugging him down onto the bed beside him.

They were both panting and achingly hard, but they took the time to kiss each other, hands never travelling any lower than their waists. If anything, the anticipation combined with how long it had been was making everything better. Their limbs were entwined; Jared couldn’t imagine that they could get any closer if they tried.

Well, actually, he could think of one way.

Without warning or reason, they went from making out to something more heated. Jared couldn’t pinpoint what changed, but suddenly Jensen was rutting – there was no other word for it – against his thigh. Jared moaned and, throwing self-restraint to the wind, wrapped his hand around Jensen’s cock.

“Fuck,” Jensen hissed, thrusting up into the touch. “Jay, if you want to fuck me you’d better fucking do it, ‘cause I’m not going to last long with your fucking hands on me.”

Jared grinned. “Jesus, Jen, anyone would think you’d been holding out for me,” he laughed. Pulling back, he noticed the look on Jensen’s face. “Wait, seriously?”

Jensen regarded him gravely, running a hand down his cheek. “Jared, I haven’t been able to look at anyone else since the day I met you,” he said, brutal honesty in his voice. “Not in Texas, not in New York. And hell, it’s not like I didn’t try to go out and have meaningless sex when I started college–” he broke off and laughed awkwardly– “but I can’t see anyone but you. It’s fucking cheesy, but it’s true.”

Jared could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he blinked them back. “I love you so much, Jen,” he said, his voice choked. “Hell, even when I should have hated you, I loved you. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with. You’re the only person I’m ever going to want to be with. And I hope you know there’s no fucking way I’m letting you leave this house today unless you swear you’re coming back.”

Jensen bit his lip. “I will never, ever be able to apologize enough for what I did to you, Jared,” he said softly. Jared went to interrupt him, but Jensen clamped a hand over his mouth. “No, shut up and let me say this. I can’t make it up to you... but if you give me some time, I can prove to you that it's not going to happen again.”

Jared nodded, kissing him hard. “I like the sound of that,” he murmured. The conversation was getting heavy, so Jared grinned. “Can I fuck you now?” he asked.

Jensen pursed his lips. “Well, I suppose–” he said, a perfect imitation of Jared after their first date. Jared burst out laughing, the happiest he’d been since before he’d left Texas.

“You’re an asshole,” he muttered, grinning. Jensen started kissing his way down Jared’s neck as Jared scrabbled in his drawer for his lube. His hand hit something else; the box of condoms his father bought for him to ‘know he was being responsible’. He snorted at the thought that this probably wasn’t the kind of responsibility his father had in mind when he gave Jared the box.

Jensen glanced over at the packet Jared was holding and held his hand out. When Jared handed them over, Jensen tossed the box across the room. Jared looked at him quizzically.

“I want to feel you inside me, Jay,” he whispered. “All of you.”

Jared nodded, his heart flooding. “Yeah, okay,” he murmured back, smiling widely. He uncapped the bottle of lube, drizzling it over his fingers and sliding two straight into Jensen. He kept his eyes on Jensen as he did so, watching the way his eyelids fluttered shut and he bit his lip.

Jared slid a third finger in – Jensen was tighter than he remembered – and was rewarded with a deep moan. When Jensen started making small thrusting movements with his hips, Jared pulled back. Before he could slick himself up, though, Jensen sat up, his pupils blown, and took the bottle away from him. He poured a liberal amount into his hand and slowly, excruciatingly slowly, slid it along Jared’s cock. Jared swore, welcoming the touch, and tried to push Jensen back onto the bed. Jensen wouldn’t go.

“What–?” Jared started to ask before Jensen pulled himself up and into Jared’s lap.

“This okay?” he asked quietly, lowering himself onto Jared’s dick. Jared bit his lip and tasted blood. He managed a strangled “Yes” as Jensen raised himself back up, his eyes locked on Jared’s as he started to ride him.

Jared grabbed Jensen’s hips and began to set the pace. Jensen grinned as he pressed their foreheads together, dropping kisses all over Jared’s face, his lips, his neck.

Jared felt Jensen’s cock pressed between them, hard and leaking, and wrapped one hand around it. Jensen collapsed into Jared’s shoulder, nipping the skin there, content to let Jared get them both off.

It wasn’t long before Jensen was gasping, his fingernails digging into Jared’s back as he came. “Jesus, I love you,” he murmured in Jared’s ear as he tumbled over the edge; those words were all it took for Jared to come with him.

As they came down, Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s back and pulled him in close for a kiss, their bodies damp with sweat.

“I think I’m going to need a shower,” Jensen whispered. “Fucking semen.”

Jared laughed. “Just like our first time, right?”

Jensen cocked his head to the side. “Are you going to play the cello for me, Jay?” he asked. Jared laughed, then realized that Jensen wasn’t.

“Oh crap, are you serious?” he asked, and Jensen smirked.

“I show you mine and you show me yours, right? This is a reciprocal relationship?” he teased. Jared sighed.

“Fine,” he muttered. “But I’m not as good as you, so I don’t know what the fuck the appeal is. Go and have your shower, and I’ll see if I can find something.”

Jensen smiled, apparently satisfied, kissing him as he picked up his jeans. “I’ll be back soon,” he promised, backing out of the room.

Jared sighed, pulling his jeans back over his legs before he picked up his cello case. There were certain instruments you just didn’t play naked; the cello was most definitely one of them.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

By the time Jensen came out of the shower, looking gorgeous with his damp hair, Jared had found a piece – the prelude to Bach’s Cello Suite no. 1 – and had set it up on his music stand. Jensen sat on the bed, his legs crossed; he looked every inch the attentive audience member.

It was incredibly distracting.

Jared took a deep breath and adjusted his endpin slightly to give himself a little more time. He knew he was being stupid – this was Jensen, after all – but he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking slightly as he picked up his bow.

Part of the reason he picked this song was because he knew it so well; it was an easy piece to lose himself in and he did just that, letting the music speak for him. His fingers moved confidently up and down the fingerboard as he relished the feeling of playing from the heart rather than just for technique. It had been a long time – probably since before he left Texas – since he poured this much of his soul into his cello. Truth be told, he’d really missed it.

He played the final, double stopped notes and glanced up. Jensen was staring at him, his jaw hanging open.

“That bad, huh?” Jared joked. Jensen shook his head slightly.

“Jared, you’re fucking amazing.”

Jared blushed deeply. “School’s helping, I guess,” he muttered, busying himself by packing up his cello again. Jensen got up off the bed and took the cello out of his hands, laying it gently on the floor before he pulled Jared close, kissing him on the temple.

“You are so fucking talented,” he murmured, his hands trailing Jared’s spine. Jared shivered, leaning into the touch. “You’re talented, and smart, and gorgeous, and you’re so fucking amazing. I don’t deserve you, you know?”

Jared huffed a laugh. “I don’t think I deserve you, you don’t think you deserve me. Can we just agree that we deserve each other and move on?”

Jensen nodded and leaned in to kiss Jared softly on the lips. “I can definitely agree to that.”

Jared heard the door click downstairs and hurriedly grabbed his shirt off the floor. “As much as I hate to see you put clothes on...” he said wistfully, and Jensen grinned.

“It’s all right, Jay; I promise you’ll get to see me take my clothes off a lot more from now on,” he said. The truth of the statement was evident in his tone, and Jared couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

“Well, as long as you promise...” he grinned, trailing off. “Come on, let’s go so my Mom will know we’re not fucking like mad rabbits up here.”

“Wish we were,” Jensen muttered.

Jared sighed. “Yeah, me too,” he agreed, taking Jensen’s hand.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

When they came downstairs, Sherri and Megan were having a heated discussion about the appropriateness of a t-shirt with ‘Don’t worry, they’ll grow soon’ emblazoned over the chest. They both turned towards the footfalls, and their eyes traveled down almost in unison to Jared and Jensen’s joined hands.

Megan let out a wolf whistle as she left the room, and Jared blushed. Jensen just grinned, squeezing his hand.

“Are you staying for dinner, Jensen?” Sherri asked, barely containing her smile.

Jensen hesitated. “Well, I have to be at the Kennedy Center by 7:30...” he said slowly. “I don’t want to put you guys out or anything.”

Sherri tutted at him. “You’re not putting us out, sweetie. Besides, the later you leave, the longer I get to see Jared smile.”

“Mom,” Jared hisses. Jensen squeezes his hand, smiling.

“It’s all right, Jay,” he murmured. Turning to Sherri, he added: “Hopefully he’ll keep smiling this time, Sherri; he knows I’m coming back, now.”

Sherri regarded them both for a moment, and then nodded. “Well, you’re always welcome to stay here, Jensen. Just as long as I don’t know you’re in any bedroom but the spare one.”

Jared thought that if he blushed any harder, he might overheat and pass out. Jensen laughed quietly.

“I promise you’ll have no idea I’m not in the spare room,” he said. Sherri playfully swiped at his head.

“Remind me why I let you near my son again?” she teased.

“I’m going to go with ‘because I’m awesome’,” Jensen offered. Sherri snorted.

“Yeah, well, you can both get your ‘awesome’ butts in the kitchen and peel some potatoes for me,” she said. “I’m going to go impress upon Megan why she shouldn’t be wearing sexually charged slogans over her breasts.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow as she left. “Why don’t you wear sexually charged slogans over your breasts?” he asked.

“Why don’t you?” Jared shot back.

Jensen smacked him on the ass.

“Come on, you freak. Let’s go peel some goddamn potatoes.”

♫ End ♫

author’s notes
back to masterpost

Tags: !fanfiction, challenge: big bang, fandom: rpf, pairing: jared/jensen, rating: nc-17, verse: notes of music, wordcount: 20000-24999

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